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By Mary Rediger
Faith Telegraph Guest Columnist
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Reality television stars Jon and Kate Gosselin are now close to finalizing their divorce, news sources are reporting. Unabashed and unashamed, they apparently bought themselves new cars to "celebrate" their divorce – then, predictably, blamed each other for spending too much money.
If you are not familiar with Jon and Kate’s unfortunate foray into the national spotlight, here’s a quick primer: Jon and Kate Gosselin have 8 children, twins and sextuplets, with some help from fertility treatments. A "reality" television series chronicling their lives,"Jon and Kate Plus 8," debuted in 2007.
The first time I watched the show, I was impressed with how well the couple parented so many children. When I noticed the Bible verses on their walls and occasional Christian t-shirts worn by Jon, I was pleasantly surprised. I hoped their marriage would be a good example of a loving Christian family.
My hopes were shattered when rumors of affairs and an imminent divorce became reality. My heart sank as I realized another marriage would bite the dust. To make matters worse, this broken marriage was of a famous couple who had even co-authored books now sitting (and collecting dust) on Christian store bookshelves. Like many non-Christian couples, Jon and Kate's marriage was torn apart by an affair that was apparently the last straw in a troubled marriage.
Watching Jon and Kate disintegrate on national television brought home a sad truth: There is a divorce trend in America. Depending on the source, 40%-50% of first marriages, 60%-67% of second marriages, and 70-73% of third marriages in America end in divorce.
Indeed, it is a challenge to find couples who stay married in this country. Divorce is becoming so common in America, that we are becoming desensitized to it. It is becoming the norm. No longer is it shocking, rare, or taboo. Our culture has embraced it and borders on celebrating it.
Divorced woman, especially, are portrayed as strong and able to stand on their own. Divorced people in America are welcomed back into the dating world, with hardly a scratch on their records, free to marry again and again, and more often than not, divorce again and again.
Today, it is not uncommon for someone to be on their second, third, or more marriage, and many give up on the concept of marriage altogether and simply choose to live together.
We know our culture accepts and arguably even promotes divorce, but what does the Bible say about this practice?
Marriage was designed to be an example of Christ's love for the church and Christ’s relationship with the church, according to Ephesians 5:22-32. Verses 28-32 say,
"...He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church."
Christ's love for the church is a love that lasts. Sadly, divorce is a far cry from God's intention for marriage, and leaves many people confused about what "love" really is, even while it leaves many family members wondering where they belong.
According to Malachi, God hates divorce! Hate is a very strong word, but it's Biblical:
"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."(Malachi 2:13-16)
If spouses really focused on making each other's needs their priority each day, and really worked hard to fulfill their commitments to love and care for each another, I wonder if they would have the time or energy left to invest in a romantic relationship outside of marriage.
In the New Testament, Jesus reminds people of God's design for marriage;
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:3-8)
Thus, marital unfaithfulness is sin. Here are two truths about sin I have learned from the Bible, from my own experiences, and from watching others live:
First, one sin generally leads to another until the cycle is broken. For example, many marriages are broken due to affairs and not necessarily spontaneous affairs. Such affairs usually begin in the mind when a person decides they deserve more than the spouse God gave them, and that they aren't being loved enough or getting what they want.
If this isn't caught and dealt with, it can lead to thoughts about how someone else can do more, give more, and be better than their spouse. This inevitably leads them to seek out and begin a new relationship outside the marriage.
This often results in lies and more lies. The person begins to live a double life. Eventually, the sin comes to light and when it does, excuses and blame follow unless confession – to God and to the people involved – and repentance – asking God’s forgiveness and truly turning away from sin without making excuses – come first. If you are in the midst of such sin right now, remember: It is never too late to stop sin before it continues to produce more sin.
The second thing I have learned about sin is that, unfortunately, sin effects more than just those who are doing the sinning. For some reason, when people selfishly indulge in sin, they fool themselves into thinking that it is only going to hurt them. They are wrong. Sin always has consequences, and it does not just impact the sinner.
In the case of an affair that leads to divorce, the spouse, the children, friends, and relatives are all impacted when the marriage falls apart. I speak from personal experience: My parents’ marriage followed the model above and ended in divorce. Their divorce impacted many people.
God gave us a Savior because we are not capable of fixing the disease of sin. We know that God hates sin. And we know He hates divorce. But all too often we don’t even put "sin" and "divorce" in the same category. Too often, divorce is an easy alternative to working through disagreements and problems. Too often, divorce provides an escape from real confession and forgiveness.
Enough is enough -- no trend is irreversible, and nothing is impossible with God. Marriage should be an example of the relationship between Christ and the church, a relationship built on love and meant to last through hardships – for "better or for worse".
Let’s redouble our efforts, in our communities, churches, and in our own marriages, to stop divorce from making a mockery of what should be a beautiful and enduring picture of God’s unconditional love.
Mary Rediger is a published author who lives with her husband and son in the great state of Texas. You can follow her on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/maryrediger or email her at
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